Ask an INTJ Anything

INTJs: Uncomfortable with your Inferior Function?

Arvid Walton 24 Comments

Pasa Fino asked: I have a question which regards Se in a social setting. (I am an INTJ btw). This and the other Se post were helpful in a general sense, but here is a problem I personally encounter.

Whenever I am around people I don’t know well or consider as a friend, I behave in the way I am most comfortable with: distant, observant, serious, quiet, etc.. but when I am with the few people I consider my friends my Se seems to take over my brain in a most distressing manner. I begin to goof off, talk loudly, I become quirky and playful, and overall, much unlike myself. I go home feeling like a total fool. The worst thing about it is that I have little to no control over this while it is happening.

Otherwise, I integrate my Se via art, music, karate, and watching comedies on YouTube, and can control it decently well when I am in my normal environment or interacting with friends over the internet.

I am in my late teens, so I am hoping that in my twenties my Se will be somewhat tamer. Has anyone else encountered this problem? If so, is there a solution for an immediate solution for it?

#1 Yes, many INTJs experiences this:

In order to illustrate to you and others, that discomfort with the Se function is not something that any of us are alone on, I’m going to share an experience that is deeply personal to me. This is not just for you, Pasa Fino (though it is for you), but for all the people out there who may be struggling to connect with the more frightening, more human parts of themselves. Continue reading →

N-types are not better than S-types.

Arvid Walton 42 Comments

Shubham (ENTP) asked: I have observed that some of my friends who are S types retake the MBTI test again and again to get a N type.eg- one of my ISTJ friend took the test almost 5 times and got INTJ once. Now whenever he meets someone he claims to be an INTJ, although he is completely an ISTJ.

I have observed this behaviour with many of my S type friends (specially ISTPs and ISFPs who sometimes claim to be ENFPs.). I personally think that there is no reason one should change their personality type or start behaving like some other type. I think that this is a result of stereotyping of Ns being better than Ss.

Have you observed a similar behaviour anytime? What is your hypothesis on why some Ss want to be typed as Ns.

Yes. Yes, I have.

The internet, and many fandoms seem to have convinced themselves that INTJs are…for some reason…the best MBTI type ever. There is no logical reason to believe that INTJs are somehow better than other types, and there are even fewer logical reasons to try to become an INTJ if you are not one. Continue reading →

What to Do When you can’t hear an INTJ’s Sarcastic remarks

Arvid Walton 11 Comments

Curious asked: One of the people I talk to the most at school is (I believe) an INTJ. She’s lovely, and I’m very glad that she takes the time to interact with me. We usually sit near each other, and sometimes pass comments in class (mostly me because I’m an idiot and impulsive).

But sometimes, when she initiates, she speaks lowly, so I know she’s saying something, but I can’t make it out. I usually just nod or give a smile because I can tell she was trying to say something cheeky or low-key scathing about whatever is happening in class, but I know that we both can tell when we don’t hear each other. It’s not a big thing, but I was wondering if you could give an opinion on how you would want me to handle it– because it really eats me up with guilt that she says something and I can’t give her a response.

The answer to your question is so obvious that I don’t blame you for not thinking of it.

The first thing to know is this: INTJs with a working Te function appreciate direct communication. If someone hates something that I do –I want them to tell me about it. I may not change my habits when they do, but I want them to tell me about it.

My Te function doesn’t care about all the social conventions that tell you don’t say that, it’s rude. (Though my Fi function does listen to the don’t say that, it’s unkind). The point is, when somebody doesn’t know what I’m talking about –whether it’s because I’m talking gibberish, talking above their heads, or talking too quietly for them to hear– I want them to tell me about it directly.

So…tell her upfront that you can’t hear her. If she wants you to hear her, she’ll speak up.

Why You should Stop Saying you were “Traumatized” by a TV Show

AsideArvid Walton 6 Comments

Why you should Stop Saying you were Traumatised by a TV show...

Anon asked: “You’re the first MBTI expert I’ve come across who’s typed the characters from Unsere Mütter, Unsere Väter, and since you’re an INTJ, I must know. Were you emotionally traumatized the first time you watched it?”

Continue reading →

xNTJs with ADHD

Arvid Walton 5 Comments

Amanda asked: I read your post on traumatized INTJ, which I most certainly have been. I feel I was dead inside until I developed my Fi to be a good mommy to my sweet baby boy (who is now working on his PhD). I have also endured Attention Deficit Disorder most of my life. I have read in an ADHD book “Scattered” (Gabor Mate MD) that ADD can be properly understood as a dissociative condition and ADHD as an attachment/anxiety condition. Basically, trauma responses.  I took medication for ADD for a few years, recently. The beneficial effects on my life were profound, and some of them were permanent. I’ve only recently become more interested in MBTI, and I think ADD is pretty ironic in relationship to my being a J. I’m a J, but the part of my brain that can ‘do’ J, the prefrontal cortex, was more or less off-line, forcing me to live the life of a P! It’s as if ADD made me a failed INTJ. Not quite the shadow perhaps, as I’m a solid introvert. I was just curious if you’d ever thought of MBTI in relationship to this disorder, or perhaps any of the cluster B personality disorders. (Which I don’t have, but Cluster Bs were the origin of my trauma.)

Several semesters ago, I had an English professor who is an ENTJ with ADHD, and it was a thrill for me to be a part of her class. Here are my thoughts.

Being an xNTJ will likely determine how you think about things. ADD/ADHD will not necessarily change that thought process, but it will definitely interrupt it. What I typically observe happening as a result is that you will come to conclusions the same way that most other xNTJs would, but while you are coming to those conclusions, you will be distracted by other things that wouldn’t necessarily distract INTJs who don’t have ADD/ADHD.

As a result, your behaviour may be different than the behaviour of other INTJs, specifically with regards to your Te and Se functions. Your NiTe ability to focus will be different. You will always have your eyes on your Ni goal, but your Te may not necessarily keep you consistently working towards it. Your Se may be more easily distracted by things in your physical environment. etc. etc.

I know this was brief, but I hope it answered your question.

Character-Driven vs Plot-Driven Stories – An INTJ’s Take

Arvid Walton 11 Comments

INeverForgetPromises asked: if you were reading a literary work, what would hook you more, a plot-driven story or a character-driven story? Do you prefer complex plots with subplots in them or a simple plot with something deep underneath (take hills like white elephants for example)?

Im sorry if I’m asking too many questions, its just that I want to pick at your brain a little bit. Plus, you kinda remind me of my INTJ best friend :)

I personally prefer character-driven stories. However, any well-done character-driven story is subsequently going to have an excellent plot. It may not follow a typical arc, but as long as the characters behave realistically, the plot is also going to move forward in a realistic way.

If you look at any piece of Shakespeare’s work, you’ll realise that every last bit of it is character driven. His plots are fantastic, but they are always driven by the motivations of his characters.

The Ender’s Game Series is another good example of a character-driven storyline in which there is no absence of complex plots and subplots. I could think of a million other examples, but I’ll leave it at that.

Any story that has an interesting and well-developed character who is facing a very real conflict will necessarily end up also having an amazing plot.

Now, I enjoy a story with an intricate plot, but if the characters are boring the story becomes empty. I get bored reading Dan Brown because his writing features incredibly complicated plots with hardly any character development.

Do INTJs like INFPs?

Arvid Walton 13 Comments

Sofia V.N. asked: Hi I am and INFP and there is this really interesting INTJ named Katie at my school and my close friend Shannon is now really good friends with her. I really want to hang out with Shannon again but she is always with Katie (Now I don’t want to be misconstrued she can be friends with who ever she wants) but I never know what to saw  to Katie because she always has this very menacing face and I can’t compose and sentence that she will be interested in. I would just like to know what I should talk to her about and what conversational topic she would be interested in. Also if INTJS like us INFPS.

Sorry that this was more me seeking advice then me asking a question.

Sofia V.N.

Since I don’t know Katie, I have no idea what topics of conversation she would be interested in regardless of whether she’s an INTJ or not. MBTI type does not dictate a person’s hobbies or interests. It merely influences how their thought process works.

Do all INTJs like all INFPs? No.

Do some INTJs dislike INFPs? Yes.

Do some INTJs love INFPs? Yes.

There are plenty of INFPs that I enjoy being around, and there are also a fair number that I can’t stand. In my experiences, it really depends on the relative maturity of each of the people in question.

Am I a Feminist?

Arvid Walton 1 Comment

Sassyfeminist asked: Would you consider yourself a feminist?

Hmmm… Do I believe in equality of the sexes? Now that’s a really tough question. I’ll have to think really hard about it and eventually come to the same opinion I had before I thought about it.

Of course I’m a feminist. Just because I’m biologically male doesn’t mean I can’t support women’s rights.

For my German readers, does anyone find it horrifyingly sad that all three of the lead female characters in Generation War/Unsere Müter, Unsere Väter get raped by the end of the series with no consequences to any of the men who rape them?

Are xSTPs the best types?

Arvid Walton 18 Comments

Uhw asked: If you are a Intj, you should know the meaning of life, which is enjoy the life (considering that the life of a human being is 80 years and he takes nothing beyond).

So, you agree that istp and estp are the best types of the world?

You do recall that I am studying philosophy at university level, right?

Your syllogism is sound, but invalid. Let me explain by taking it apart for you.

  1. If I am an INTJ, I will know that the meaning of life is to enjoy life
  2. I am an INTJ

Therefore I can conclude that xSTPs are the best MBTI types

First of all, we have not established between us that the meaning of life is to enjoy life, so your first premise is called into question. Secondly, you have none of your premises suggest that xSTPs enjoy life more than say xSFPs, so you cannot conclude based on either premise that xSTPs are the “best” (you have also not defined “best”).

That considered, I believe the meaning of life is much more complicated than you might suggest and has more to do with morality than to do with enjoyment.

How to Keep in Touch with an INTJ

Arvid Walton

Hazel asked: I have a very good INTJ friend but we are going to different schools. I’d like to keep in touch with him, but I’ve heard, (and read here) that INTJs don’t like to be bothered. What are some suggestions on how I could do this with out annoying my friend?

Tell him directly that you want to keep in touch with him. Upper Te-users prefer their friends to tell them exactly what they think, rather than trying to hobble around uncomfortable truths. Be direct.

Schedule regular times to hang out with your friend and follow through as much as possible. (this is also a Te thing). Make a regular, planned effort to hang out. Don’t plan spontaneous activities, otherwise, in his likely scheduled life, he’s not going to be able to make a slot for you.

I had a friend in high school who merely hinted at wanting to hang out, so I didn’t get the message that she wanted to get together. She flaked out 90% of the times I scheduled to hang out with her, so I thought that it wasn’t important to her.

Occasionally, she would call me up and ask if I wanted to do something that day. I never said yes to any of these particular invitations because I was taking college level courses in high school and always had my life scheduled out weeks in advance. Spontaneity isn’t really an INTJ thing.

INTJs: How to develop your Se function

Arvid Walton 24 Comments

Bryony asked: I am an INTJ with an unhealthy Se function. Out of curiosity, is it possible to change this?

Yes it is.

I had a very unhealthy Se function at one point in my life –so unhealthy in fact, that I wasn’t using it at all (I’ll let your imagination fill in the connotations of that happenstance). Here are some tips for developing an unhealthy Se function. Continue reading →

More INTP vs INTJ

Arvid Walton 3 Comments

Ameya Ravindra Nadkarni asked: How to tell apart between an INTP and INTJ?

I have always been a analytical person, who can see a particular job done in a better way . But always procrastinate it due to even a minor flaw in the plan or method. Though I learn new things to be used for practical purposes, I may never use that knowledge unless I gain complete understanding and mastery over that subject. I have been given sometimes INTP as a result  of my personality tests and been given quite times INTJ as result with a slight preference of judging over perceiving. I am confused and hoping for your advice. Sorry for violating the rule for asking a personal question and for my grammatically improper English but I really need some advice.

If you haven’t yet, review my other INTP vs INTJ post. It’s much more detailed than this one.

I think, for the most part I understand your question –if I translated wrong, don’t hesitate to correct me. Fortunately for you, this isn’t the type of personal question that’s against the rules.

There is a strong possibility that you’re prone to locking into your shadow functions. In terms of how to tell which type you are, these are the questions you need to be asking.

Am I goal-oriented? When I set out to accomplish a goal, do I plan out all the steps and pursue them intricately (NiTe)? Or do I go about it through improv and plan steps as they come (NeTi)? Do I focus on my dreams as fixed realities that I am responsible for making happen (NiTe)? Or do I look at my dreams as grand possibilities that I could, and would like to make happen (NeTi)?

Am I efficient in practice or in theory (Te vs Ti)? When I see something that could be improved, do I ask myself whether its necessary before setting out to change it (Te)? Are my improvements more innovative (NeTi), or are they more practical (NiTe)? Do I tend to theorise about improving things without ever doing anything to fulfil those visions (Ti)?

Do I procrastinate because my plan must be over-perfect before I proceed? Or because I literally don’t know where to start with carrying it out (Ti)? (Be objective when you ask yourself this).

Also, I would suggest taking a look at my INTP vs INTJ post. (The search bar is there for a reason).