Canonical INxJ Friendships

Anonymouslemer asked: “Are there any canonical examples of an INTJ/INFJ friendship?”

Look no further than House M.D. House and Wilson are a perfect example of a relationship between unhealthy INxJs. Let’s just say they’re the type of friend-pair that will feel perfectly comfortable sitting and problem solving in a room with a random comatose grandpa that they’ve never met. They both toss around Ni, understanding each other’s deepest motivations and secrets without having to ask. Both of them are gifted at figuring out other people’s deepest secrets, but House does it based on observation and logic, while Wilson just intuitively and sympathetically understands people. To outsiders, INxJ friendships tend to appear to outsiders as odd, or paradoxal. Often, this is because you’ll have an INTJ, who doesn’t make friends with pretty much anyone, who suddenly ends up liking an extremely loving and emotional person (not always the case).

People then look at the INTJ’s rough, bluntness and can’t understand how the kind INFJ could stand to be friends with them. Depending on how extreme the personalities, there might be certain traits that they can’t stand in one another. For instance, the INFJ might have a really hard time getting past the INTJ’s bluntness, or understanding their TeFi morality. Likewise, the INTJ might think the INFJ is too soft and too yielding to conventions.

Either that, or the Fe need to make sure everyone else follows their moral code (this is particularly specific to unhealthy Fe users). House constantly teases Wilson about his love pathology, and Wilson calls House on his insensitivities towards others. House gets annoyed when Wilson offers to do someone else’s job for them because he wants that other person to learn to do their job on their own.

Both of them will be logical, although for the INTJ this logic will be more of a default than for the INFJ. House will talk crap to your face, while Wilson takes out vengeance passive-aggressively (classic Fe introvert). Wilson will hide House’s things, or convince people to do things to get back at House behind his back.

In response, House will either ignore him or respond with an action that’s perceived as not passive-aggressive, like drugging Wilson or hiding his cancer patients. House will never be the one who runs out of patience with Wilson, because he’s too busy “not caring.” Meanwhile, Wilson will occasionally burst out with a swear word at House when he feels House has gone too far. At the same time, they can’t not love each other (in most cases) because their Ni dom connection is so rare. Suddenly, someone understands their thought process! (more or less)

From the outside, it might look to the majority of people as though INxJ friendships are twisted and paradoxal. House and Wilson definitely have a bit of a twisted friendship, but that’s because House’s Fi is pretty underdeveloped. In real life –Yes, the INFJ will most likely be the one found thinking about, and caring about the INTJ, however, not usually to the extreme of House/Wilson. Generally, this will be because INTJs don’t base friendship on emotional connections, while INFJs do. Wilson is always the first to confront House about feelings (his own or House’s), and House only really opens up if Wilson really pesters him into it. The INTJ will be the more independent of the two, and might not even keep in contact with the INFJ while they’re apart. On the other hand,the INTJ will genuinely care about the INFJ, but may not feel the need to show it through anything other than actions (if at all).

If INxJs disagree on anything –it’s going to be FeTi vs TeFi. INTJs base their morality primarily on principles, while INFJs base their morality on feelings. INFJs will care about social graces – the INTJ probably won’t, and this may be a point of disagreement. In the presence of my INFJ room-mate, I have insulted people with some of the worst bluntness I am capable of and her facial expressions start to resemble those of Wilson when House does the same thing.

I would rather be honest than nice, and she would rather make sure everyone feels good than tell the truth. It’s that simple.

If you notice, House and Wilson are both moral in their approach to treating patients, but their morality is completely different. House doesn’t really connect emotionally to them and try to make them feel good, but he cares more than anything about saving their lives, and will put his medical license at risk, breaking a thousand rules and even going against patient’s poor judgement to save them from death. Wilson on the other hand, emotionally invests himself in patients lives, but doesn’t necessarily want to break the rules or put his license at risk to save them. If he sees that a rule needs to be broken to save them, he asks House to break it for him.

Wilson has a hard time understanding why House isn’t emotionally affected by certain things happening in the office, and House thinks it’s funny that Wilson is affected by them. The thing about real life relationships that doesn’t completely present itself in their friendship is the fact that friendship changes you (no matter what personality type you are). Being friends with INFJs always makes me want to be kinder to people, and I think INFJs who have been friends with me often start to use more sarcasm and to be more assertive.

Occasionally, these disagreements regarding morality can actually turn INxJs to enemies. The first example I thought of for this is Bruce Wayne and Ras Al Guhl. They understand each other quickly, and deeply, are friends for a long time — and then…faced with an issue of morality, they part ways and become enemies. See, INxJs are so firm in their moral ideals that in rare cases, they’re unable to reconcile them. Raz believes that he’s doing right in destroying Gotham, and Bruce believes it’s right to try to save it.


13 thoughts on “Canonical INxJ Friendships

  1. One of my best friends is an INFJ, and I’m an INTJ. This post has given me more perspective in our friendship, and that’s really cool.


  2. Hello,
    I know this is an older post but I figured I’d give it a shot and hope for an answer.
    I myself am an INFJ, and I’m worried about my good INTJ friend. He’s got depression, and as I’m familiar with that myself but it’s different for everyone, I want to know the best way I can show my support without being too pushy or annoying. Is there anything specifically I should *not* do? I know just someone just letting me know they were thinking of me/had my back was helpful for me, but I think it would be different for an INTJ, wouldn’t it?
    Any help would be much appreciated!


    • I don’t know how close you are to your friend, though I assume fairly close since he’s confided in you. Have you thought about asking him directly what you can do to help him? Even amongst INTJs, everyone is different and shows/accepts love/support in different ways.

      But, to give you the stereotypical answer, I’d recommend not trying to show too much support through physical affection (roundabout way of saying hugs). As an INTJ, it is deeply meaningful to me when people support me by telling me sincerely how much they care about my well being. It’s also meaningful when people show me that they appreciate my company for ME, and not for some arbitrary trait that I have or something interesting that I do.


  3. My two best friends are INTJ and ENFJ, comprising neatly the two main aspects of my character (I’m INFJ). My INTJ friend and I understand each other very well and mutually respect one another. His friendship encourages me to realize my potential and actually articulate my thoughts and elucidate them, and makes me feel that I’m not an oddity in the universe because I can be cerebral and logical with him. That’s not actually something I can say about any of my other friends. Apparently, it’s not generally socially acceptable to dismiss emotion/sentiment from a discussion. Also, we celebrate nerd-dom together. Books! Star Trek! David Bowie! Books!


  4. I really admire my INFJ friend, as you said I would like to be more caring since I met her. Sometimes I help her with her projects (because she is a mess), and sometimes she helps me with people. She always knows what to say.


  5. Pretty much sums up my friendship with my INFJ. Right down to my INTJ-bluntness and not-caring and his INFJ enforcing-moral-code-ness and caring-a-lot. It got pretty strained for a bit due to both of those issues, but time and distance has helped us mellow out, I think.


  6. Now that the issue of people who share the sMe dominant type but differ in auxiliary and tertiary is covered, what about relationships between people who differ in domiminant functions but share others: Canonical IXTJ Friendships.
    P.S. If it is faster, you may simply answer this in the comments instead of in a full fledged post. Thank you. It is good to have the leader of this blog typing again.


  7. INxJ friendships are the best. (In my humble opinion, of course). My INTJ sister is really the only person in the world with whom I can talk about literally any concept or idea or dream that I feel like. And she UNDERSTANDS–every time. It’s quite fantastic, really.

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    • I don’t know any other INTJ in real life apart from my mum, & she understands me like no one else, without me having to say anything at times. She’s telepathic, she is.


      • I know, right?? Crazy, but awesome. (Actually, my mom and sister are both INTJs, so I’m extra lucky.)


        • I actually have seven siblings: ENTP, INTJ, ISTJ, unknown, INTJ, (probable) INFJ, and (probable) ENFP. My mom is an INTJ and my dad is an ISFJ. It’s a very interesting and fun mix :-)


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