Curious asked: One of the people I talk to the most at school is (I believe) an INTJ. She’s lovely, and I’m very glad that she takes the time to interact with me. We usually sit near each other, and sometimes pass comments in class (mostly me because I’m an idiot and impulsive).
But sometimes, when she initiates, she speaks lowly, so I know she’s saying something, but I can’t make it out. I usually just nod or give a smile because I can tell she was trying to say something cheeky or low-key scathing about whatever is happening in class, but I know that we both can tell when we don’t hear each other. It’s not a big thing, but I was wondering if you could give an opinion on how you would want me to handle it– because it really eats me up with guilt that she says something and I can’t give her a response.
The answer to your question is so obvious that I don’t blame you for not thinking of it.
The first thing to know is this: INTJs with a working Te function appreciate direct communication. If someone hates something that I do –I want them to tell me about it. I may not change my habits when they do, but I want them to tell me about it.
My Te function doesn’t care about all the social conventions that tell you don’t say that, it’s rude. (Though my Fi function does listen to the don’t say that, it’s unkind). The point is, when somebody doesn’t know what I’m talking about –whether it’s because I’m talking gibberish, talking above their heads, or talking too quietly for them to hear– I want them to tell me about it directly.
So…tell her upfront that you can’t hear her. If she wants you to hear her, she’ll speak up.