Guest post by Anonymous, INTJ
To a fault, I admit. Ever since I was a child I’d either be playing mind-games or writing, drawing, or outwardly narrating a story. When I was in first to third grade, we had to keep journals. The teacher would put up a prompt (Ex: Do you have any pets?) and we had to write a few sentences about it. I thought this was boring, so I asked the teacher if I could just write, and she allowed me to. So, for the next three years, I would develop new little stories and illustrations to accompany them.
I was obsessed with drawing, back then, too. I’ve always been told I’m creative and a good artist, even though I’d like to think the comments didn’t affect me, I think they’re why I began to do it more often. That, or boredom. I still think it’s more of boredom. So, now I’m, as far as I’ve seen, the most experienced artist I know. I don’t even really like it. It’s passive. It just happens.
I have a large group of friends.
I think this mostly comes from my natural charm, somehow it makes people happy when the quiet, cynical girl decides to talk to them. So, I’m really bouncy in social situations. I’m the girl who’s flitting around talking to the people she likes the most- and adding into conversations to make people more lighthearted if the environment is too tense. I’m the joker. People hear my laugh maybe a little bit too much. So, then they associate me with a happy, lighthearted person. Which is a good thing in most cases.
Regardless, I still fit the stereotype of “small group of friends”, because if they were to ask me if I was their friend, I’d say no (with the exception of three people who are my friends).
I believe in self-sacrifice.
It’s a commonly known stereotype that INTJs are selfish, and while I’m not going to disagree to a point, it’s not completely true, in my case, at least.
I would gladly give up my life for other people. Not for the general populous, but for the people I call friends. And, no, it’s not for some over-arching mastermind plan. I’m not sacrificing myself to be a martyr. I’m just doing it out of habit. In my head, those people are more important to me than I am to myself. So, if I allowed them to die, the things they could’ve done in the world would haunt me. I’d miss them too much. I would first try to find a way out of both of our deaths, of course, but if it comes to it and my patience for seeing the person I love dying runs out, I’d sacrifice myself for them.
I express emotions.
Most importantly- I have emotions. (I hate this stereotype)
After I’ve heavily analyzed my emotions on a person or situation, and I believe it won’t change the situation negatively, I will express my emotions. It may be in a detached manner (because of Te), but it’s still there.
I’ll tell the person that they make me happy. I’ll tell them that I hate them. That I love them. That I’m apathetic towards them. I will say what I’m feeling. Because it’s important for people to know their standing. And, it’s important to me.
My two best friends I hang out with most are an INTJ and an INFJ, so I guess I can’t really call it all that impulsive, because they are little worry-warts. But, if someone mentions something they want to experience that they’ve never done, I’ll find a way to make it happen. It’s four AM and you’ve never jumped off of a bridge? My internal monologue: Are there any bridges around? How much force does it take to cause damage to a person’s body? How tall can a bridge be until it goes over the limit of force? Can they swim? Is there even water underneath the nearby bridge? Is it within reasonable walking distance? What are the dangers of being out at night? Do I have my pepper-spray, do I even know how to defend myself if someone attacks us? Do I have enough medical knowledge to patch someone up if something goes wrong? Do we have bathing suits with us?
If it meets those requirements to my liking, I’ll do it. I’ll make it happen. Let’s go, right now. Because, though I would never outwardly say it, it’s exhilarating to do things like that. It’s distracting. Which means I’m a lot more Se than I admit.
I don’t plan or manipulate people often.
There’re always those posts and things that say “I plan every move in my day. If I say something to you, it’s because I’m manipulating you. ~Mysterious INTJ”
I don’t relate to this at all. It makes it seem like I have every second of every day and every possible outcome accounted for, which is impossible (as far as I know. Maybe up to an extent if you’re a savant?). Sure, I get up and say, “Remember to get your socks, your phone, and your Physics notes, put on deodorant, get dressed, wash your face, ect.” When it’s the morning. But, that’s only because I’m not very awake and my Te takes over.
When it comes to actual situations, though, and I’m not asleep, I don’t do much planning. I take things in stride. I’m not constantly in a hum-drum of “Left foot, right foot, left”. I’m usually imagining inconsequential things. Like, if that tree could breathe, how would that effect the food chain? What would happen to their appearance? So, it’s not very mastermind-y. Just very useless.
I do go around thinking, “If I step here, set this here, he will trip, then he will call out, it will draw their attention, I can sneak away into the background and read.” Though, I barely ever act on those thoughts.
I do have a life-plan, like the stereotypical INTJ. But, unlike what a lot of things might tell you, we question everything (Feel free to take it out if my assumptions here are wrong, they sometimes are.), including the things we like to do. Is it superficial? Do I actually like to do this, or am I telling myself this? So we tend to plan and re-plan. And go into crises. And to overanalyze. And that makes us uncertain about a lot of things, including the plan we set up for ourselves.
I’ve dated people without thinking about marrying them.
Again, with the stereotype that INTJ females don’t exist or are too outwardly rude to get a date (which, again, goes into the “women are only useful if they are pretty and can produce offspring” kind of early evolutionary-day thinking). Also comes with the things I’ve seen where INTJs don’t want to date because they don’t see themselves marrying the person.
I’ve made many friends of both genders, and my male friends have asked me out before. Whenever I’m answering, I usually say yes. My reasoning for it is because I’m young. I should gather some data on this before it actually effects my future (like, before I’m at the age the significant other actually considers marriage).
I also think dating people helps you develop your understanding of the human psyche, and I always seem to convince myself it will help me develop my Fi (which is a bitch to develop, by the way). So, I’ve had romantic relationships with many people.
17 thoughts on “Defying INTJ Stereotypes: Anon”
I am probably flooding your dash with my comments, but I have rediscovered your blog and I feel so much better. I sometimes doubt if I am actually an INTJ, but your blog helps. In a big way.
Happy to hear it
All this cerebral development for say: « yes me INTJ, I love fu**.»
This is a lot like me tbh. I’m an INTJ, yet I’m very artistic, nor do I have many problems with emotion. However, I still feel myself detached in the same way she does, I still have them.
[…] funny how everytime I come here to answer a comment on the MBTIfiction blog I end up writing something myself. I guess there are things coming to my mind. Things that are […]
Yay! Fellow artsy emotional INTJ! I’ve always been artsy and I did very well on the creative writing assignments in school. My facial expressions always give away how I’m feeling to the point of odd compliments like “I love all the positions of your eyebrows”. I also often take on the role of the joker to relieve tension and cheer people up. And every so often, I just gotta do something impulsive, like go to Walmart at 3AM or the time first got my ears pierced.
I have problems with Fi, especially when it comes to handling an emotional situation. I had recurring episodes of depression, and they were the worst phases I’ve ever encountered. I questioned whether or not I had a role to play in this world, and decided that I’d better be off dead if all I did was toiling without getting the desired results which are important to fulfill my purpose of existing in this world. However, I didn’t know what would await me on the otherworldly side so I was left in a state where my body was trying to survive but my mind was long dead. I found it difficult to tell anyone what I was feeling inside as I feel a deep emptiness, but unable to tell it to anyone. The same goes to feelings. I do feel it, but I can’t express it, because it’s often too terrifying to think about. Well, it only gets worse when I can and keep seeing paranormal things. There isn’t a proper explanation for the incident.
In order to evade the uncomfortable realm of sentiments, I have tried going on a week without feelings when I was 12, and trust me, it’s FAR from a pleasant experience. I feel dead inside, to the point of having suicidal thoughts because I felt there wasn’t a point in living if life was this empty. I have to say it takes a toll on my physical being too, as I felt deeply exhausted from trying this harmful experiment. I agree with A when he forbids anyone to try this experiment out. You will NEVER like the results, and this is coming from someone who had a very close brush with death due to attempting to experiment things they should not be experimenting with.
That being said, I’d like to know how I could develop my Fi better, as I’m aware that a well-developed Fi can help a lot in communicating effectively with others and dealing with one’s feelings better, but at the same time, I’m not so sure how to do it.
[…] funny how everytime I come here to answer a comment on the MBTIfiction blog I end up writing something myself. I guess there are things coming to my mind that are not […]
Do you hate people being your business, or the thought of people making you justify your decisions? I’m curious as to how the INTJ reacts to other people being controlling. I’m an ENFP, and it drives me crazy.
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The idea of being controlled makes all the bells ring in my head. I hate the mere idea of someone, or a group, trying to control the choices I do when they have nothing to do with them. However, as I was typing my answer I realised I explain myself a lot.
It’s not that I like it. As I said, I dislike the mere idea. However, I know my friends and family wouldn’t understand me otherwise. Most of the time, whenever I am asked about my life, I know people just care about me and want to make sure I’m okay. And I am not asked a lot, anyway.
To explain this further, I am comparing an ENFP friend I have that feels the same way you do about being controlled. This may not be your case at all because I don’t know you. This may not be the case for each INTJ either, since I can just speak for myself. However, comparing my friend and I has given me some thoughts on the matter you may want to read.
Other people perceives me, an INTJ, as mature and collected. When I make a choice, they trust instinctively that I made a well-thought choice. They think I made the best choice I could possibly do. I may not have done it (I have made my own bunch of bad choices), but people do not perceive me as someone they have to take care of. Even when I was a teenager they perceived I was okay (even better) on my own.
My ENFP friend is mature and I trust her deeply. However, other people perceive her as someone that doesn’t think her choices through and, therefore, someone that has to be taken care of. She is not controlled literally but is monitored enough for her to grow upset about it.
So, even though we both hate the idea of being controlled. The fact is that I am not controlled and she is, indeed. When I explain myself it’s normally my choice, not something that I am asked to do. When she explains herself it’s because she is questioned. It’s only natural that she feels more upset than I, since she has lived the situation.
Hope this helps.
In general, I dislike the thought of people controlling every single aspect of a certain matter. I don’t mind if they take control of things that I’m not good in managing, as long as they do it properly, but I can’t stand micro-management.
YAASSS!!! This is a hairpin trigger for me; specifically in situations where another person micromanages a task-I’m fully capable of completing in my sleep. This gets me agitated beyond control! To the point of questioning their credibility to their face.
This also happens when I do something dumb (for pure fun) and get judged/criticised by others. Hearing someone say that my behavior was wrong/dumb when I already know society views it as such-feels like a cheese grater rubbing against my soul. It’s unbearable because they are restraining creativity and preventing new experience.
that sounds very like me although I’m not sure if I’m an INTJ due to all that planning (I have general plans but for example I struggle with a regular learning etc.)
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May it be related to the gender? I have read that some female INTJs do feel identified by the stereotypes, but it caught my attention that a fellow female felt the same way I do.
I also hate the having-no-emotions stereotype. Obviously, our emotions get filtered by our rationality, but it doesn’t mean we do not feel. It does not mean we are not capable of loving: we have friends and family. Actually, I would say we love the few significant people we have more intensely because we put conscious effort on making them know they are special. We do not assume they know just. We make them feel it. At least I do.
This bit sums up my life, basically:
“I do have a life-plan… But, unlike what a lot of things might tell you, we question everything …, including the things we like to do. Is it superficial? Do I actually like to do this, or am I telling myself this? So we tend to plan and re-plan. And go into crises. And to overanalyze. And that makes us uncertain about a lot of things, including the plan we set up for ourselves.”
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Yeah. That moment in life when you start questioning if you actually like the things you have been liking so far or if you have a dark superficial reason to think you like something.
This post reminds me a lot of my INTJ sister. She’s very artistic, and very social (far more social than me, the INFJ, actually); but she’s still definitely an INTJ–Ni/Te/Fi/Se. She just doesn’t fit all the stereotypes.
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