How to Keep in Touch with an INTJ

Hazel asked: I have a very good INTJ friend but we are going to different schools. I’d like to keep in touch with him, but I’ve heard, (and read here) that INTJs don’t like to be bothered. What are some suggestions on how I could do this with out annoying my friend?

Tell him directly that you want to keep in touch with him. Upper Te-users prefer their friends to tell them exactly what they think, rather than trying to hobble around uncomfortable truths. Be direct.

Schedule regular times to hang out with your friend and follow through as much as possible. (this is also a Te thing). Make a regular, planned effort to hang out. Don’t plan spontaneous activities, otherwise, in his likely scheduled life, he’s not going to be able to make a slot for you.

I had a friend in high school who merely hinted at wanting to hang out, so I didn’t get the message that she wanted to get together. She flaked out 90% of the times I scheduled to hang out with her, so I thought that it wasn’t important to her.

Occasionally, she would call me up and ask if I wanted to do something that day. I never said yes to any of these particular invitations because I was taking college level courses in high school and always had my life scheduled out weeks in advance. Spontaneity isn’t really an INTJ thing.


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