Juliette said: As an Intj, you might have experienced the people I call “blabbers.” They talk on an on about just random things. There are then the butthurts. I talk to them about reducing population in a humane but ingenious way: “BUT THEY’RE HUMANS YOU CANT KILL HUMANS”
And finally, there’s my family. They’re nice but… my mother is overprotective and thinks i’m insensitive and that i’m weird to think logically. My father gets angry over irrational things. My relative is ok but they often find a way to “mess up” and therefore create tension in our family. But the worse is that they make drama out of everything. They fight over evertthing. My mother constantly stays in the past.
So, the actual question, is how to just “deal with it”? Seeing as most people are like this the situation is quasi-constant and it drives me mental! Of course staying in my room for as long as I want isn’t an option because then i’m deemed anti social. Any advice from past experience or maybe just pure reasoning would help because this is honestly on the verge of being unbearable. Thanks.
My dear, you talk too much.
I’m assuming you’re asking me because you want a blunt, honest answer. Well, in that case, you’re in the right place.
#1 Realise that being an INTJ does not make you better or smarter than anyone else
Trust me, there’s an ENFP out there somewhere who’s smarter than you (his name is Michio Kaku if you need to hunt him down now), so don’t you ever go thinking that being an INTJ makes you smarter or better than anyone else.
I know some pretty dang stupid INTJs out there, and they all seem to live under this illusion that they’re smarter than everyone else and as a result, the belief that everyone is an annoying piss-pot.
Basically, the big problem most of these INTJs really face is not necessarily that they are more intelligent (which is the problem they think they have). Rather, their problem is being biased against anyone who does not think exactly like them, which is a stupid mindset coming from people who claim to be so unbiased. Yet, if you bring this up to them, they will all deny it because they would rather live under their pleasant illusion than question whether their subconscious mind has actually gotten the better of them.
Think about it. Are you complaining about your mom because she’s stuck in the past and you’re not? Are you complaining about your father getting angry about irrational things because you apparently don’t. Guess what, your question is about an irrational problem that you think is rational. I hate to break it to you, but as logical as you might think yourself, you are not rational.
All people, regardless of personality type or intelligence level, are hopelessly irrational, and that’s a belief I hold firmly. Yes, some of us are more rational than others, but that does not make us fully rational. The very fact that our brains work through chemical processes makes rationality impossible. People’s minds are too limited to hold enough information to make completely rational judgements, so we settle for whatever judgements seem most rational to us.
My advice to you is to just buck up and realise that just because you’ve got a rare MBTI personality type, you are not suddenly the only sane person in the world. There are all different types of intelligence and INTJs are not the only ones possessed of a brain.
The fact that you’re asking how to deal with it shows me that you’re a moral person who wants to be better, but also that you’re an irrational person just like everyone else.
#2 Don’t waste strong emotions on people you don’t like
Yes, people babble. They talk about needless, unimportant things. Your complaint is partially that you think they’re wasting your time/energy, correct? Well guess what, you’re wasting your time/energy feeling frustrated about them too.
Don’t allow people who don’t matter to you to make your day suck. That’s allowing them control over your response to them rather than you choosing how you’re going to respond, if at all. You get me?
If you don’t care about the random babblers who small talk you to death, don’t let them control your mood. If you do care about your family –don’t let the fact that they’re different from you drive you mad. If you love someone, learn to love them for who they are, not for how much they love you.
My mom (ESTJ) is stuck in the past too. My Dad (INTP) gets angry about irrational things just like yours does. But I don’t find my parents annoying just because they think differently than I do. I have an ESFP brother for goodness sake.
#3 You have a brain. Use it instead of complaining that others drive it mad
I know this is hard especially when it comes to family. I don’t know if this will work for you (it doesn’t work in all situations and circumstances), but as the more rational person in my family, I frequently break up arguments by stepping in and explaining to the involved parties why each side is really angry (if it was poorly expressed) and where the miscommunications that led to the argument happened. Not all INTJs can do things like this…but it works for me. Find your own talent and use it.
The point I’m trying to make is this. You’ve complained about how your family are the ones “messing up,” creating all the drama and such. In other words, most of your complaints regard things that other people do that annoy your thinking process.
That INTJ thinking process that you’re so proud of appears to be busy inefficiently wasting its sweet time being frustrated, isn’t really putting itself to good use. Try to think of some practical solutions to your problems instead of assuming that they’re insolvable?
If small talkers are annoying, play games with them –make the conversation interesting to yourself.
There are lots of INTJs who claim they’re super smart, really good at tons of things, but don’t actually do anything with their intellectual powers. I’m a firm believer in the “it’s what you do that defines you” mantra, so I tend to look down on people who claim to be something that their actions don’t reflect.
I hope that wasn’t too blunt. It wasn’t meant to be offensive, merely a slap to the reality that if you’re constantly annoyed with everyone, your thought process is, by definition, irrational. Annoyance is irrational –let’s face it.
Most people who complain about stupid people are subconsciously trying to convince themselves that they’re smarter than said people.