Terry asked: “I’m an ENTJ and I seem to hate all the other ENTJs that I meet. Is there a decent reason why I would hate my type?”
There are a number of reasons why you could hate your type.
#1 You subconsciously hate in others that which you hate in yourself.
I know two ENTJs who cannot stand to be in the same room with one another. Though different, they are very alike.
They both always have an agenda, always have to be doing something, and like to talk. They’re both ruthlessly rude towards other people, but don’t necessarily like it when other people are equally blunt. Thus…they hate talking to each other.
Neither thinks much about the feelings of the other, but is more concerned about how it’s not fair to themselves. They both feel no qualms about trying to manipulate people, but get mad when the other tries to manipulate them.
At the same time, neither of them is aware of why they hate the other because their egos are too important to them to ask whether they might be the one with the problem.
#2 All the other ENTJs you’ve met are incredibly unhealthy.
Both the ENTJs I mentioned above are good examples of unhealthy ENTJs. Neither of them have a well developed Fi, so they often clash over moral disagreements without being able to effectively point out what they find wrong about a situation.
You, on the other hand, might very easily be a healthy ENTJ. If all the other ENTJs you’ve met are like the two I’m thinking of, I don’t blame you at all for disliking them. (if you need examples of unhealthy, look back at #1).
In general, a good way to pick out an unhealthy person is to look for how closely they resemble their type’s stereotypes. If you are a healthy ENTJ and all the other ones you know are unhealthy, you’re going to hate them just because they resemble all the stereotypes that you don’t want to be associated with.
I once made the mistake of getting into a theological debate with an unhealthy INTJ I met online. Unfortunately, the other INTJ was so ridiculously arrogant that he ignored all my arguments because he had to be right. At that point, I dropped off the face of the planet.
Pay attention to which fictional ENTJs annoy you and look for how stereotypical they are. As an INTJ, I often get quite annoyed with Sherlock, Coriolanus and Thomas Barrow despite all the ways that I relate to them.
It’s also quite possible that you are also an unhealthy ENTJ (I don’t know you, so I can’t judge). If that’s the case, you would naturally hate other unhealthy ENTJs more than you would if you are a healthy ENTJ.
The reason for this is that you would #1 subconsciously hate the reflection of yourself that you see in them, and #2 want to compete with them. You’d end up stuck in a power struggle because both of you would want to be in charge, and dominant in the relationship.
#3 You’re not actually an ENTJ, but the opposite type.
It’s perfectly possible that you’ve misread yourself or been typed incorrectly, especially if you’re basing your type off online tests. If you’ve misunderstood yourself, and you’re actually an xNTP, it’s would perfectly normal to hate ENTJs.
Often, I find people being mistyped as their shadow because they took an online test while at a weak point in their life (besides, the tests get it wrong more often than you’d think).
As an INTJ, I cannot stand taking classes from xNTP teachers (despite the fact that I have several close xNTP friends).
If you’re actually an xNTP and you’ve mistyped yourself, ENTJs have all the opposite functions that you have. Thus, you would constantly be annoyed at how uptight, focused and task oriented ENTJs are.
For those readers who are not ENTJs, here’s the list of opposing types:
xNTJ / xNTP
xNFJ / xNFP
xSTJ / xSTP
xSFJ / xSFP
#4 You are an individual, not a caricature
Fun fact, you’re not going to be exactly like all other ENTJs just because you are one. You are a unique individual.
You are not a stereotype like many of the characters that pop up in fiction. You are a person.
5 thoughts on “Why You Hate Your MBTI Type”
Perhaps I’ve missed something, but I don’t quite understand “not-tams-oriented”. Or is it a slang/dialect?
Excellent article. This reminds me of the many times I’ve encountered others of my own type, or even a similar type, and had an adverse reaction. The reasons for the adverse reaction in my case are obvious, as we oft find fault in others what we perceive ourselves to be lacking – or in other words our inferior couplet.
Because I’m a fan of examples I will list some example reactions I have on a frequent basis, with the Type of the person I reacted to provided.
1. “Wow don’t be such a coward, speak your mind and defend your values!” (ISFP: A classmate who could have made better use of his Te)
2. “Ugh, you’re hopelessly disorganized and impractical. Just make a plan and stick to it!!” (INFP: An ex-friend whose Te flavored by her Ne drove me nuts on occasion)
3. “I wish people would stop obsessing over how much they can’t do X, take all that energy and devote it to actually trying to learn X!” (ESFP: A student I tutored in pre-calculus who preferred arguing with me that he can’t learn the material before he even tried – poor use of Te-Ni)
4. “People are so lost in this society. So many are born without a real chance at life and so many others squander their opportunities because they are distracted by so much meaningless trite. If only more people could see through the veil and focus on what really matters to ensure their future.” (Disenfranchised people in general – again notice the focus on Ni-Te, specifically Ni with its focus on knowledge, ‘truth’, and future welfare)
I suppose what I was unconsciously working towards is that we dislike in others what we ourselves are lacking in. This can apply to both ego functions and shadow functions. I think we are all familiar with how our opposing/shadow types (Arvid provided an excellent list) can irritate us. I know for sure I’m extremely conflicted with dominant Fe types; I see the value and purpose of their function but I’ll (censored) to try to reciprocate it! I’m far too dry, factual, and monotone in my communication to ever even try! Plus it feels insincere for Fi doms to try to make an emotional connection with others via communication, no matter what the end goal, justification, or how happy it makes the other person.
It can certainly be argued that when I encounter an Fe user, even if I’m not talking to them, my immediate visceral response is negative much like with other xSFPs if they are not adequately developed.
I’d love to see responses about how others encounter their own type!!
You make a lot of excellent points here, although I don’t particularly feel the same. I tend to admire in other people traits that I lack (unless it’s a negative trait). I admire my INFJ room-mate’s Fe. I love upper Ne users for the way they bounce between ideas so quickly and energetically etc.
I’m so glad you responded; our personal predilections to how we encounter the shadow functions reflects not only our personal idiosyncrasies but also differences in our life experiences, Type, and maturity. I should have better prefaced that we can respond to the shadow functions both in a positive or negative way depending on said factors. It’s actually quite complex given that these responses are not always rational and largely contextual – hence the ambivalence. Too save space I will simply say that an example of this ambivalence, or more accurately relativity, is when you said you hate classes taught by xNTPs but have close xNTPs friends. The same thing we admire about a person can also be a source of frustration.
I’m interested in understanding what shadow functions we can grow to more easily tolerate or even admire over the course of our lifetime. Strangely enough, I’ve come to greatly admire and respect Ne (in a comedic sense) and Ti (in an academic sense) despite being my Trickster and Demon functions, yet I’m still largely ambivalent to Si and incredibly confused by Fe (best described as an intense love/hate relationship). I’d love to discuss this more with you if possible in a more appropriate forum.
You’ve probably experienced similar things as an xSFP, but often times I’ll find that I can’t stand to be around xSFPs because they use all the same functions as I do, but they use my weakest ones most prominently while my strongest ones are their weaknesses. It’s like my subconscious sees them as an xNTJ gone horribly wrong, but my conscious mind still knows there’s nothing wrong with them.
My ESFP brother can’t stand my ENTJ grandpa for the same reason (though he doesn’t really know it). It’s like he sees bits of my grandpa in himself, but those bits are all wrong and he can’t reconcile it, so he just reacts by hating his grandad.
It’s definitely wise to get to know people who use those different functions than ourselves. I’m sort of lucky with regard to getting early exposure to people very different from myself. I’m an INTJ, but I’ve got my reverse as a brother (ESFP), and familial exposure to pretty much all the other functions. My Dad (INTP) has all my shadow functions, then I’ve got a traditional ESTJ mother, an ISTJ brother (but not the stereotypical kind – he’s the deadpan snarker kind of ISTJ), and an ENFP sister.
I suppose in coming to love all of them I gained a healthy respect for their cognitive differences. There are still times when I can’t stand my Dad’s Ti function because he’s the epitome of not-tams-oriented, but overall I’ve come to respect it about him.
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