Abbie asked: Help! I’m an INTJ and I’m crying… In a public place… With no secluded spot or sanctuary I can run to… And people are watching… What do I do? What do you do?
Answer: Curtesy queue interruption –this is what you should do.
Forget that other people are watching.
It does not matter what anyone thinks of you. A person who judges you for crying is not someone whose opinion you should value enough to let it affect you. When you cry in public, that’s when you really discover the character of the people you care about. The ones who judge you aren’t people you want to keep around and those who don’t will probably be your friends for life.
Secondly, you should never be ashamed of crying.
There are large quantities of immature T-types out there who will tell you that emotion is for weaklings. To that, I say that if you have not cried –if you have not been broken, your life has been too easy and you have not learned enough.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you’re weak for emoting. Crying releases endorphins, which is why we sometimes can’t feel better until we’ve had a decent cry. Emotion is what makes us human. If we could not feel, we would not make moral decisions.
If there is nowhere to hide your tears, stop worrying about it and deal with what’s really important (aka the issue that’s making you cry in the first place).
When an issue is important enough, just let yourself cry. Who cares if people are watching? Cry, and then move on. That’s all I can really tell you.
12 thoughts on “INTJs: Embarrassed about Crying in Public?”
I am an INTJ and I have been more comfortable with my emotions the past years. I had family related problems/traumatic experiences and I almost started crying during a bank visit just because they mentioned a certain family member. I decided to have therapy and I cried my eyes sore one evening/ week in front of a stranger and was told on a regular basis that this was ok.
I could also call my mum and cry.I have always understood my emotions but I was afraid of them and saw them as weaknesses. Now I have made it through and while I am not in perfect touch with my emotions, I am not afraid of them. I accept them and are not afraid of admitting to others how I feel, although I am still slightly wary of actually expressing emotions in front of most people.
My comment is justbto reassure that it is okay to cry and that letting oneself really feel emotions, positive or negative, really can have an impact. If possible, attempt to do this in an environment that is comfortable with people that are ok. All should not have to go through trauma in order to develop functions.
There is less shame in tears than in the fear of tears.
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I’m an INFP and, ironically, I hate crying because I feel like I’m losing control and showing weakness (sounds out of character for my type, I know). Simply working through deep thoughts or grappling with strong emotions can sometimes set me off, but I still go to great lengths not to let anyone, and I mean anyone, see it happening. What you said about accepting strong emotion when it’s appropriate makes sense, but I can’t help feeling that if my friends/family knew how frequently I tear up, they would think I’m even crazier than I already seem to them.
That would be your Fi. It’s not unusual for an xNFP to want to hide their feelings.
Thank you so much for this post! I am an INFJ, not an INTJ, but I am also embarrassed about crying in public. Throughout my life there have been family members who told me that it was a sign of weakness to cry in public, and I shouldn’t do it, because it upsets other people. I have also been criticized by my mom for the intensity of my emotions. Over time I have come to the realization that it’s okay to cry, even in public, and there’s nothing wrong with having intense emotions, although it’s still something I struggle with. This post helps a lot!
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Honestly, I admire the intensity of INFJ emotions, so good for you!
Good answer. NT’s don’t cry often, but we aren’t actually un-human. And humans cry.
~ An ENTP who once, terrifyingly and unsettlingly, unexpectedly lost control and started sobbing in public and has never forgotten that experience because it was so unusual and so out of character…
It’s one of those things where somebody will turn to the NT and say, “you would make a good Dalek,” and you’re just thinking “No. No. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I believe that there’s a place to hide behind the back of a person with a well developed Fe.
Not if there isn’t such a person present, but yes, that’s always an excellent hiding place.
You INTJs are too awesome to feel bad about letting out some emotions! :) I couldn’t agree with you more!
…not all of us unfortunately…just the ones with a well developed Fi.
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