Guest Post by Key Lime Pi, INFP

A while ago, I read Help! My INTJ Is Crying! and it caused me to think more about how different types have different approaches to crying, much less any sort of emotion. As an INFP, one of the popular stereotypes I find most irritating is that INFPs are always crying. Some INFPs (especially female ones) might cry more frequently than less dominantly emotional types, but that does not mean we are fragile butterflies whose wings will instantly crumple when touched. To set the record straight for all of you who are less dominated by emotion, here is a brief guide to help you understand your emotion-oriented INFP friends.

To start, here’s some background on the cognitive place INFPs are coming from. Dominant Fi/secondary Ne means we think by feeling. We process our experiences and understanding on a less verbal and more impression-based fashion, i.e., we take information and summarize it in our brains with “gut feelings.” It’s kind of like how a baby, before it learns to talk, can only think in impressions (which could explain why people forget most of their early memories… but that’s another theory for another post on another blog). If I’m talking with someone, I may subconsciously read their nonverbal signals found in their expression and body movements, but instead of formulating a list of what was observed, my brain translates all that information into a general positive or negative feeling. This is why sometimes INFPs can’t tell you all the reasons they believe something to be true, but their belief remains steadfast in the face of your doubt because it is based on evidence that is stored as impressions rather than facts. This format of storage does not negate the validity of the evidence; on the contrary, INFP intuition is usually fairly accurate. Leading with introverted feelings by no means makes an INFP illogical, as myself and several other INFPs I’ve heard and read who have a strong preference for logical reasoning can tell you.

However, Fi/Ne can make step-by-step reasoning difficult. Ne, ever the visionary, will bring up hundreds of possible answers to any question, and it’s always open to the idea that what the INFP sees or believes to be true might not actually be true because there is no way to absolutely prove it. You can’t create a valid syllogism if you don’t have valid premises, and when Ne prevents INFPs from convincing themselves their premises are valid, they may work themselves into a mental exhaustion following multiple possibilities to dead ends of unprovability. At last, when INFPs cannot bring a line of thought to a satisfactory, conclusive answer and doubt that they ever will, their Ne hands the reins to Fi. And guess what that means? Crying.

I can’t speak for other INFPs, but in my own experience, this is the primary scenario in which I dissolve with emotion, alone, often late at night, pondering the mysteries and inequities of life (some might say beating a dead horse, but I digress). A lot different from your textbook “you hurt my feelings so I’m going to cry now” response, eh? With that in mind, here is your pocket list of why (in my experience) INFPs cry.

1. You insulted them, but they don’t cry because of that. They cry because your insult sent them into a several-hour session of analyzing their true motives, and at the end of following several fruitless lines of questioning they broke down at the thought that they are probably a horribly selfish and mean person and they have no idea how to fix it.
2. They are overwhelmed by anger or frustration (dominant Fi makes anger come out with crying).
3. They feel powerless, trapped, used, or unloved.
4. They see someone else who is powerless, trapped, used, or unloved.
5. They are remembering something sad, which might simply be the time their cat was put to sleep (Fi/Si).
6. They are overtired. Tiredness exacerbates Fi mood swings and emotion-based reasoning. Being sick does this too.
7. Someone in a movie/TV show/book/play just died… but they might not be mourning the loss of the character as much as sympathizing with the family/friends left behind.
8. They are trying to explain their deepest feelings/fears/frustrations. Fi makes that really hard.
9. Sometimes, even they don’t know why. Sometimes they cry because they just need to, for no apparent reason. (Remember, I never said we didn’t cry randomly, I just said we aren’t *always* crying.)

On a final note, Fi naturally prefers keeping its deepest feelings hidden inside, so if an INFP is crying in public, they are probably more embarrassed about it than you are. But if an INFP feels comfortable crying around you, take that as a compliment; it’s a sure sign that they trust you.