Sofia V.N. asked: Hi I am and INFP and there is this really interesting INTJ named Katie at my school and my close friend Shannon is now really good friends with her. I really want to hang out with Shannon again but she is always with Katie (Now I don’t want to be misconstrued she can be friends with who ever she wants) but I never know what to saw to Katie because she always has this very menacing face and I can’t compose and sentence that she will be interested in. I would just like to know what I should talk to her about and what conversational topic she would be interested in. Also if INTJS like us INFPS.
Sorry that this was more me seeking advice then me asking a question.
Since I don’t know Katie, I have no idea what topics of conversation she would be interested in regardless of whether she’s an INTJ or not. MBTI type does not dictate a person’s hobbies or interests. It merely influences how their thought process works.
Do all INTJs like all INFPs? No.
Do some INTJs dislike INFPs? Yes.
Do some INTJs love INFPs? Yes.
There are plenty of INFPs that I enjoy being around, and there are also a fair number that I can’t stand. In my experiences, it really depends on the relative maturity of each of the people in question.
13 thoughts on “Do INTJs like INFPs?”
I know this post is very old, but as an INFP constantly seeking (and so infrequently finding) authentic friendships, some of the most genuine and delightfully unapologetic conversations I’ve had were with INTJs. I admire their bold individuality.
I used to be friends with INFPs in my young adulthood, but their tendency, as they age, to live in the past and relish emotions linked to our common PAST experiences just does not do for me. I like to move on try new things, they like to dwell with whatever brought them happiness 10 years ago…and that’s it.
Often, I get the impression they want to turn me into an ISTJ (i.e someone they can play “helpless princess” with). No thanks, I’ve got my own big-picture agenda and you’re not part of it.
As someone said above, communication is extremely difficult for me with people who can’t/won’t express themselves for the sake of letting others feel “happy”. I resent this approach because most people who make assumptions about me (especially how I feel/think, without ever asking straight), based on their experiences with others or their own fantaisies, are always wrong (unless they are Ni-Doms).
INFPs are people I avoid getting involved with in general, unless my position/job compels me to. They will initiate some sort of awkward talk once every 3 months, and I will answer because I don’t like loose ends. But even then, after two or three instances, I will just cut them out.
ENxPs and INTPs are people I enjoy spending most of my time/energy with more than anyone else, meanwhile INTJs are the only type of people that can evoke romantic feelings in me.
I am an INTJ and my partner of 15 years is an INFP. For me, our differences compliment each other. Where I can be a little selfish and blunt, he is compassionate and caring, always thinking of others. Where he can be flighty and impulsive, my tendency to plan and rationalise prevents these traits from getting away from him. We each temper the other’s more extreme tendencies, and our differences mean that we continue to find each other fascinating.
Your question is flawed in both grammar and logic. Anyway, don’t change how you act towards others just so they will like you. Talk about your interest, there’s nothing more annoying than dealing with a conversation where someone is clearly trying to get me to like them. Either you will have something in common or not. If not deal with it and move on.
I’m an INTJ and my mother is an INFP. I don’t get along with her at all. Obviously an INTJ raised by an INFP is a disaster. However, I have a nephew who’s and INFP whom I adore. I think you can connect with Katie based on your introversion and your intuitiveness. You hate small talk, right? I bet she does too. You love ideas right? I bet she does too. Maybe neither of you has the world’s best social skills, but I bet you both abhor cruelty. I bet you both mock unearned authority. I bet you are both obsessive. You have natural connection points right there.
In general, I am fond of feeling types. I find their genuine personalities very refreshing, and their compassion enticing. Sometimes being different is intriguing, but I think I also enjoy being around those who naturally lean toward submissiveness (most likely a flaw of mine). My best friend of 3 years (now girlfriend) is an INFP. NF tendencies (generalization alert) toward inefficiencies like not voicing your emotions or views to preserve harmony; whereby, generating an unnecessary amount of tension within, rather than just addressing it… can be grating.
As for getting in? Just walk up and talk to her. Temerity is an attractive quality, and being confident and comfortable is a good way of being palatable.
Not sure she’ll read the comments, buy I have a little advice I can give to Sofia: Try to be concise and to the point when talking to her. I’m not sure if this applies to all INTJs, but all the ones I personally know seem to be really annoyed when people don’t get to the point.
You could try talking to her about the fact you feel nervous, yet want to be friend her. The more up front you are with an INTJ the better. Just be honest about why you want to be friends with her. Also there’s no wrong in asking your friend what the INTJ is interested in and enjoys talking about.
I think my last piece of advice is this: Yes INTJs may look “scary”, but they are some of the nicest, loveliest people you’ll ever meet.
I’m an INTJ and I adore INFPs. They are my favorite friends (along with other INTJs). I had to learn to be super careful not to accidentally hurt their feelings with my bluntness, though. But really everyone is different. No type automatically likes/dislikes other types. It has more to do with who you are as a person I think.
Well, could I add something from an INTJ-related-INFP perspective? Hopefully it’s general enough to be of any use.
Do not try too hard to “compose any sentence that she will be interested in”. If she doesn’t like you, it won’t actually help; if it’s the other way round she’ll like you anyway, as it’s more about _being_ interesting than _talking_ interestingly. And if she’s just neutral towards you, why bother with self-imposed-stress? (Hint, it works not only with INTJs.)
BTW, the “INTJ menacing/poker face problem” has been adressed by the Author many times here, and I always smile reading about it, as it’s probably the only INTJ stereotype I found partially true in real life.
(Even more BTW, Childermass!)
I love the GIF for this answer. And your answer is great too, that it depends on the maturity levels of the individuals involved, not what type they are, that determines how well they will get along.
You will love the character too! He’s from Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell (in case you didn’t know that ;) )
…may or may not be my favourite character from that book…
He’s definitely my favourite :D He’s so awesome.
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