Pejar asked: “As an INTJ, what is your friend group like? Are there certain types that you gravitate towards or that gravitate towards you? Like, do you have other INTJ friends? And do you make friends differently than other types?”
Which types am I most likely to be friends with?
My current room-mates, an INFJ and ISFP, were handpicked by me –and by handpicked, I mean my Te took over, organised a flat and then told them they were living with me. They were both fine with that. Generally, my friend group has one INTJ (me) and a whole bunch of INFxs and couple of ISFPs, occasionally allowing for a few tagalong xxxxs.
The most likely reasons for this are as follows:
- Humans are naturally attracted to people whose strengths are their weaknesses. Thus, many xxFPs and xxTJs are inclined to either become best friends or mortal enemies, or both.
- I’m an artist. I spend a lot of time in art studios, and there are many more ISFPs and INFPs in art studios than in other places. Sure, the artist/writer stereotype doesn’t apply to all IxFPs, but it does apply to a good plenty.
- I’m an Ni dom, so naturally, INFJs are attracted to the fact that I understand the way they think.
It’s not that I’ve never met another INTJ –I’ve met plenty. It’s just that when I meet one, neither of us feel the need for friendship, whereas IxFPs will cling to my stability and INFJs are magnetised by my objectivity. I often see FP/TJ relationships form because the FP looks at the TJ and simultaneously sees a person who will give them stability, and a person who is in denial of a need for companionship. The IxTJ isn’t usually the one to initiate friendship with an IxFP, but they let it happen because they see a sincerity in the IxFP that they can’t throw away because it’s priceless.
I do have several xNTP friends as well –mostly met them in philosophy and astrophysics classes. You can read more about that here. I also go against many INTJ’s comfort areas and make friends with xSTJs, but then, I suppose I’ve had two of them in my immediate family to get used to them by.
How do I make friends?
When it comes to the initial friend-making, I’m never actually the one to seek anyone out. INFxs and ISFPs have an uncanny ability to find me (I don’t find them). I’ll usually be sitting by myself in a corner somewhere and they will come and sit by me.
Off the bat, I will be a bit annoyed that they’ve interrupted my solitude, but then they’ll start talking and I’ll
talk back without making fun of them and using references they won’t understand warm up to them.
The F-people in my life balance out my apathy, and in return, I make sure other people don’t walk all over them for their kindness.
Now, if somebody comes up to me and starts fetishising my INTJ-ness…that’s when I start being a jerk about it.